DO NO'T LOOK AT NAKED LADY

1) DON'T LOOK AT NAKED LADY
Boy 1: Why do you run from a naked lady?
Boy 2: Becos my mum said that if I look at a naked lady, I'll turn into stone. A part of me is getting hard already!

(2) NAMES OF WIVES
A malay man had 4 wives, and he called his...
4th wife..... baby doll
3rd wife.....china doll
2nd wife.....barbie doll
1st wife..... panadol !

(3) HOW INDIA GOT ITS NAME
This is how India got its name.....The king was having sex with his mistress while thinking a name of his country and his mistress ask him "is it In Dear?"...

(4) RESEARCH FINDING
Research shows men are fatter than women becauseevery-night men get freshmilk & 2 big papayaswomen only get 1 banana, 2 peanuts & 1 tea-spoon of starch!

(5) ARAB MAN
An arab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint.
'Your name pls.'?"Abdul Aziz "
"Sex? ""Six times a week!! "
"No, no, I mean male or female! "
"Doesn't matters, sometimes even camel !"

(9) GOOD AMBITION
Teacher: What doyou want to become?
Little Johnny: Doctor !!
Teacher: Why?
Little Johnny: Coz its the only profession where u can tell a woman to take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it.

What Is the Only True Success?

Tell me...

How are you living your life?

Are you living it your family's way, your society's way, your friends' way - or your OWN way?

Are you living an inherited life that has no taste or meaning for you? Are you living how other people expect you to? Are you giving other people full control of your life and your destiny?

Do you try to please everyone except yourself?

All of us have been told at one point or another that our elders know more than we do and that we should follow their advice.

Are you following the advice of people who don't know you and who don't know what your dreams are?

I know I am asking too many questions, so let me be frank and share with you the message I want to drive home:

"There is only one success - the ability to live your life in your own way." - Christopher Morley, American writer and editor

That is the ONE true success!

Read that quote again.

Your ability to live your life from the inside out is the only true success. Success comes in all shapes and sizes, and is highly dependent on each individual's personal definition of what success means to him.

But in the end, everything converges on this tipping point: any form of success MUST reflect your own way of living your life.

You were born for a purpose - a unique purpose. And the best way to live your life is to fully express that purpose.

The ultimate victory in life is to win the battle over the external forces that push you to live your life like everyone else, to follow the herd like a sheep, and to deprive yourself of your right to live life in your own way.

There is only one way to unleash your inner giant, and that is by being determined to live your life by your own rules, and making the commitment to find your true purpose and turn it into a living reality.

When you do that, you will reach your maximum personal power and will experience an overwhelming sense of meaning and satisfaction.

Only then can you craft a legacy that will ensure that you live on in the hearts and minds of others for years to come.

"There is only one success - the ability to live your life in your own way."

Search for what makes you feel ALIVE, not for what makes you a living!

Life is a gift from God, and you must make the best use of it.

What one action can you take to start living life in your own way - TODAY?

Remember - that is the only true success!

Affair stories to spice up your weekend

The 1st Affair: A married man was having an affair with his secretary One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home. 'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.'I can't lie to you,' he replied, 'I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.' 'You lying !You've been playing golf!'

The 2nd Affair: A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife, 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?' The wife smiled sweetly and replied, 'Not this time!'

The 3rd Affair: A mortician was wor kin g late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen! 'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity.' So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home. 'I have to show you something you won't believe,' he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.'My God!' the wife exclaimed, 'Schwartz is dead?!?!'

The 4th Affair: A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. 'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.' She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. 'Don't move until I tell you,' she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.' 'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room. 'Oh it's a statue.' she replied. 'The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too.' No more was said, not even when they went to bed.Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. 'Here,' he said to the statue, 'have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing'

The 5th Affair: A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.' 'One Cent?' the man thought. He glanced at the menu and asked, 'How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?' 'A nickel,' the barman replied. 'A nickel?' exclaimed the man. 'Where's the guy who owns this place?' The bartender replied, 'Upstairs, with my wife.'The man asked, 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?' The bartender replied, 'The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.'

The 6th Affair: Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.He looked up and said weakly, 'I have something I must confess.' 'There's no need to,' his wife replied.'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!' 'I know, I know,' she replied. 'Now just rest and let the poison work its' way down to you'

Malaysia 7 wonders in the world

1. THE ZAKARIA 'PALACE'

The only building built with no approval and unpaid assessment fees that is not demolished and sealed. The owner is the first bankrupt to be able to own a palace.

2. THE 'BOCOR' PARLIAMENT

The unique feature is its ability to 'leak' away billions of taxpayers money while the guardians of the nation stood there all wet.

3. 'UNHAUNTED' KUCHING PRISON

The only $600M prison in this world that is free of haunted stories and encounters. Reasons No execution was done here before. In fact no prisoners were held in here. There are also no concrete walls with barbed wires to contain souls - both dead and alive. Maybe it can qualify as the first imaginary prison built with real money.

4. PAYA INDAH 'WASTED' WETLANDS

The nation's premier eco-tourism park holds the record in the category of attracting more lawyers with litigation than tourists with binoculars.

5. 'NOT SO' SMART TUNNEL

Uniquely design to alleviate floods. When completed, it does everything except alleviate floods.

6. 'DISCONNECTED' CYBERJAYA

The one and only high tech city in the world that offers limited or no internet connection to its residents.

7. CROOKED 'CROOKED' BRIDGE

The most crooked bridge in the world dreamt by a most crooked mind. Too bad it was abandoned; otherwise it would make it as one of the wonders.

LATEST 8 WONDER : 1ST MALAYSIAN ASTRO MAN BLASTED OFF TO NOWHERE WITH MILLIONS OF RAKYAT MONEY BURNT IN 10 DAYS FOR THE MOST EXPENSIVE SPACE EXPEDITION HAS ENTER INTO THE MALAYSIAN GUINESS BOOK RECORD AT 10 PM ON 0CT 10, 2007. BRAVO!....HANYA DAP ROCKET - TAK BOLEH NAIK !!

Kids of Upcoming generation

oh my gosh, three simple words to describe the following "jokes" by a young boy:

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop & her son saying, "All of you b*astards who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you b*astards who are getting on, get you're a*ss in the train cause we're going down the tracks."

The Mother walked into the room where her son was playing and said "we don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room & stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom & resumed playing with his train.

Soon the train stopped & the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today & hope your trip was a pleasant one."

She hears the little boy continue, "or those of you just boarding, we ask you to store all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are p!ssed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please direct your complaints to the fat b!tch in the kitchen."

inspiration~~to inspire your life

No Give UP

"There is no telling how many miles you will have to run while chasing a dream"

Are you on the verge of giving up on your dream? Are you just about to let all your hopes and dreams slip through your fingers? Has the thought crossed your mind? Are you despairing because things are not working out the way you expected? Are you wondering how you will ever accomplish your goal or even whether you really have what it takes to achieve them?If you are already feeling the familiar feeling of despair that accompanies the fear that your dreams and hopes might go down the drain…DO NOT GIVE UP!

Get up and fight for your dream. Fight for what you believe in.

1. Take charge of your life.
When you give up, quit, lose hope or abandon your dream or goal, you give both yourself and other external circumstances permission to sabotage your efforts. You lose the power over your dream. You have to get that power back by taking control of your life.Don’t give in to self-defeating, self-sabotaging and dream choking thoughts. No matter how bumpy the ride is, don’t abandon your dream. Get on the drivers seat of your life, wear your seat belt and drive to your destination.

It is fatal to enter any war without the will to win it. ~ Douglas MacArthur~

2. Reconnect with your vision.

Before you decide to throw it all away, ask yourself why you had the initial desire to achieve that goal/dream. What compelled and stirred your heart toward that vision? Why was it so important to you? As you reflect on your answers, allow the passion for your vision to give you the strength to carry on.

3. Focus on your big picture.

When things go wrong, don’t betray the plan. Don’t let short-term obstacles snuff the life out of your long-term goal. Work on overcoming whatever is momentarily standing in the way of your dream. Bear in mind that achieving the goal is the big picture and not the obstacle in your path to your big picture. Stick to the plan for your life. The race is only over when you reach the finish line. Honor you desire to achieve your goal. Run the race of your life and until you get to the end.

4. Believe in yourself.

Having your hopes dashed can damage your self-confidence. No matter how bad the situation seems, believe in yourself and in your ability to succeed. The fact that you thought about your idea, worked on it and turned it into reality counts for something and is evidence enough that you can do it!

With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable. ~Thomas Foxwell Buxton ~

5. Persevere.

The journey to success is usually filled with many obstacles. Dealing with obstacles aren’t only time consuming but can also drain your energy, motivation and drive as you struggle to overcome them. The temptation to give up may be so compelling but don’t give up…perseverance pays!

6. Be resilient.

Resilience is an ability to bounce back and stand on your feet after a hard knock out punch. Simple thoughts such as “I will survive” and “I will try again” are enough to get your hopes high again and to set you rolling and in motion again.

7. Hang on!

There is no better way of saying this. This quote sums it all up…Hang on! Don’t give up! There is surely something in that dream or goal that’s worth holding on to.

Find it and hang on to it.

“When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on” ~Franklin D. Roosevelt~

Whatever it is that you aspire to achieve…Never, ever give up!Big shots are only little shots who keep shooting. ~Christopher Morley

Beckhamania for England duty

David Beckham has been recalled to the England squad for the final Euro 2008 qualifying match against Croatia and a friendly match against Co- host 2008 Austria before the crunching match.

Maybe, England want to have a "Euro 2008" feel against Austria as England look set to be shown the exit door by Russian UNLESS something dramatic happens to Russian team at Tel Aviv, Israel.

I don't think recalled of David Beckham will change the outcome anyway to be honest, even a win against Croatia is not enough and have to pray to Isreal to kick the Russian bud. To all England players, no more repetition of World Cup 2006 at Germany where their high profile princess outshine them at Germany. So, prepare for a long break sons, and watch Euro 2008 on your Plasma TV.

To McClaren, the decision to drop Beckham during the early stint of Euro qualifier proved vital and critical, i still believe Beckham will suite himself on the right midfield and supply non stop crosses to the likes of Peter Crouch, Rooney or Heskey. The decision at that time was to drop Gerard or Lampard and partnered either one of them with Barry but it didn't happen until the final few matches..

now time to say goodbye to your honeymoon england job, i still prefer foreign coaches to manage england, to bring something new to the teams, maybe Jose Mourinho would be suitable for the job, but I'm sure he won't back to England so soon especially received a whopping US$20 million compensation from Mr Roman's pocket.

Good Luck England, I'm deeply dissapointed with McClaren, and maybe Beckham will give an eye-catching performance on your final day as England manager....

I'm a Beckham fanatic fans since his best time at MU,...i will continue to watch MLS at Astro and hope your new manager Ruud Gullit will bring the "sexy" football back to American Soccer.

The WHYs of MEN

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)
2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)
3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG? (they don't stop to ask directions)
4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)
5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)
6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)
7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know.....it never happened)
8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH? (because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart...Then you are just an old sour fart !

One for the ladies One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma ." And they say blondes are dumb...

A couple is lying in bed. The man says,"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor

Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death
AMEN

Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manual."

sky's is beautiful

when i woke up at about 5-6am everyday single day, the air was simply chill, cool and also fresh, when i look into sky, it is indeed beautiful, we don't need Dr Sheikh Muzshaphar Syukor to let us know how beautiful and how awesome the earth is.

However we are dealing with lots of negativity in today's world, doesn't matter when you switch on your TV's, radio, internet, lots more media that i don't want to list down as we all know well, the question is do we want this negative message to dampen our day, or get upset bout it? Human born with emotion, when we go out or reading newspaper, it all about getting you to spend your money to meet your luxury lifestyle, seldom, indeed seldom we read about ads that encourage us to save more money.

don't ever let people tell us we can't do something, "you can't do it", i believe human are born with unlimited potential and it is only a matter question of do we want to unleash it? the answer is simple, do we want to step out from our comfort zone? It's never simple, i can guarateed. I always convey one simple message to all my customers, doesn't matter how hard, frustrating, upset with your job, the bad things is you don't get to enjoy that emotion when we don't have a job, and all of them agree with it.

Be humble, the most important criteria if we want to succeed. Don't tell how great you are as sales person or whoever you are, what car you drive or 5000 sq feet house, people don't want to listen how's great you are, they want you to listen to them and come out with a solution through your professional knowledge and skill.

always set yourself a benchmark or standard, i learned from a speaker that "success is a habit", and i agree with him until today. for example, when you can make RM 200,000 in new business last year, deep inside your heart you never settle down for anything less than RM 200,000 new business for this year. It is because you already benchmark yourself that you are one of the RM 200,000 sales producers and people never ever look down on your ability. Thus, make it a habit for yourself, improve everyday bit by bit, you will see significant difference one day.

respect and greet every people you met, i guess i learned it during my young days when i carbon copy it from my parent, i get the opportunity to learn it at young age when my parent open up a furniture shop back here in Ipoh and survive for 14 years, the reason i said survive is that we have no experience in handling business not to mention in furniture industry. But greet and respect brings us a long way before my mother's health deteriorates and decided to wind up the business.

Whoever i met, no matter she was jogging at the park, i will greet them "good morning", just a simple message and you make yourself happy because you make one new friend today. Life is beautiful once again, is how we want our lives to be, to be positive or negative, decision is from us. My girlfriend suffers when i scold her when she don't greet people when she visit people, i don't blame her of the family background where she seldom "connects" with the society, she's quiet and a very good girl, but later she understand my intended message to greet people and respect them.

mere 2 months aways from the year 2007 completion, i myslef yet to fulfill my goal for this year, but i promise myself not to slip up once again and let somebody told me once again that i can't fulfill my goal. i will accomplished and finished the year on a high note, not over confident but from a positive mindset. i will and i'm not just try my best.

enjoy your weekend...

What Money Cant Buy You!

Hey, in chinese proverb speak "money is not everything, but without it would be trouble" and money can buy you everything, take a look for yourself:

(a) WITH MONEY YOU CAN BUY A HOUSE BUT NOT A HOME
(b) WITH MONEY YOU CAN BUY A CLOCK BUT NOT TIME
(c) WITH MONEY YOU CAN BUY A BED BUT NOT SLEEP
(d) WITH MONEY YOU CAN BUY A BOOK, BUT NOT KNOWLEDGE
(e) WITH MONEY YOU CAN SEE A DOCTOR, BUT NOT GOOD HEALTH
(f) WITH MONEY YOU CAN BUY A POSITION BUT NOT RESPECT
(g) WITH MONEY YOU CAN BUY BLOOD BUT NOT LIFE
(h) WITH MONEY YOU CAN BUY SEX BUT NOT LOVE

ain't take true? figure out yourself, stay positive and continue your journey up to the sky, sky's the limit!!!

Best Humor

u r rite man, we keep up with u

Another freaky airline from China

Gosh, my balls will be removed

One fanatic fan

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Another Smartie Blonde

Speech by Pulitzer Prize winner: Anna Quindlen

This was a speech made by Pulitzer Prize-winning author, Anna Quindlen at the graduation ceremony of an American university where she was awarded an Honorary PhD.

"I'm a novelist. My work is human nature. Real life is all I know. Don't Ever confuse the two, your life and your work. You will walk out of here this afternoon with only one thing that no one else has. There will be hundreds of people out there with your same degree: there will be thousands of people doing what you want to do for a living. But you will be the only person alive who has sole custody of your life. Your particular life. Your entire life. Not just your life at a desk, or your life on a bus, or in a car, or at the computer. Not just the life of your mind, but the life of your heart. Not just your bank accounts but also your soul.

People don't talk about the soul very much anymore. It's so much easier to write a resume than to craft a spirit. But a resume is cold comfort on a winter's night, or when you're sad, or broke, or lonely, or when you've received your test results and they're not so good.

I am a good mother to three children. I have tried never to let my work stand in the way of being a good parent. I no longer consider myself the centre of the universe. I show up. I listen. I try to laugh. I am a good friend to my husband. I have tried to make marriage vows mean what they say. I am a good friend to my friends and they to me. Without them, there would be nothing to say to you today, because I would be a cardboard cut out. But I call them on the phone, and I meet them for lunch. I would be rotten, at best mediocre at my job if those other things were not true.

You cannot be really first rate at your work if your work is all you are. So here's what I wanted to tell you today: Get a life. A real life, not a manic pursuit of the next promotion, the bigger pay cheque, the larger house. Do you think you'd care so very much about those things if you blew an aneurysm one afternoon, or found a lump in your breast?

Get a life in which you notice the smell of salt water pushing itself on a breeze at the seaside, a life in which you stop and watch how a red-tailed hawk circles over the water, or the way a baby scowls with concentration when she tries to pick up a sweet with her thumb and first finger.

Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love, and who love you. And remember that love is not leisure, it is work. Pick up the phone. Send an email. Write a letter.

Get a life in which you are generous. And realize that life is the best thing ever, and that you have no business taking it for granted. Care so deeply about its goodness that you want to spread it around. Take money you would have spent on beer and give it to charity. Work in a soup kitchen. Be a big brother or sister. All of you want to do well. But if you do not do good too, then doing well will never be enough.

It is so easy to waste our lives, our days, our hours, and our minutes. It is so easy to take for granted the color of our kids' eyes, the way the melody in a symphony rises and falls and disappears and rises again. It is so easy to exist instead of to live.

I learned to live many years ago. I learned to love the journey, not the destination. I learned that it is not a dress rehearsal, and that today is the only guarantee you get. I learned to look at all the good in the world and try to give some of it back because I believed in it, completely and utterly. And I tried to do that, in part, by telling others what I had learned. By telling them this: Consider the lilies of the field. Look at the fuzz on a baby's ear. Read in the back yard with the sun on your face. Learn to be happy. And think of life as a terminal illness, because if you do, you will live it with joy and passion as it ought to be lived".

Live passionately for I always believe life is so short and time waits for no man!

critical decisions

i received a suprise call last thursday from my college principal to see whether i can met her that afternoon. I was shocked although it was just a normal call but principal don't usually call me. So i decided to met her that afternoon and also to collect an insurance premium from one of the lecturer, my customer for quite a few years now, my principal told me she would prefer me to lecture B2B marketing for UTM programme.
Once a hear it, i feel honoured and proud of myself but later when i back to work and at night i think over and over again on the pros and cons, and consult numbers of people include my dad, i receive only positive feedbacks from each of them. I got meeting now, will continue this subject in just a moment. thanks..

Chinese and Spielberg

One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw

Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to

him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says 'You Chinese people bombed our

Pearl Harbor, get out of here.'

The astonished Chinese man replied 'It was not the Chinese who bombed

your Pearl

Harbor , it was the Japanese'.

'Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same,' replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says 'You sank the

Titanic; my forefathers were on that ship.'

Shocked, Spielberg replies 'It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me.'

The Chinese replies, 'Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same.'

Chinese and Spielberg

understand your self esteem

The law of attraction works best for those who have complete control over their lives. This means you need to have control over the emotions you inhabit. People have a great ability of anticipating another person's feelings and thoughts. External emotional portrayal leads you on the path to any circumstance that is in line with the feelings and thoughts you experience.

The self-esteem you portray to others has a big role in the law of attraction. You see, if you portray self-esteem that is within the middle range, you will attract those in a like range. Attraction will never be present with those who have a higher or lower level of self-esteem. Your energy, thoughts, and emotions give you attraction only to those who share the same levels. This gives way to a path that will allow you to focus on someone who is on the same level and someone you would be very happy with.

Of course, you could always improve your self-esteem and embark on a greater path. In order to do this, you will need to have the law of attraction working for you. For those with a mediocre or low level of self-esteem, you could improve your life and your emotions to obtain a higher level, attracting the people you really want to attract. Even those with high self-esteem could use some improvement in a few areas.

Making the law of attraction work in your favor, takes some application of technicalities. It is important that you take full responsibility for the people you find yourself attracted to. While we are generally comfortable in our comfort zone, it is important that you engage in life, and try new things. Creating a better life requires new experiences. When talking to other people, you want to change the way you talk about yourself. When someone makes a positive comment, make a positive response.

By doing this, you are making yourself more attractive to others, because you are building up your self-worth. It is important that you never put yourself down. You cannot hope to get respect from any person if you have no self-respect. It is important to put yourself in the frame of mind that you will not allow abuse or negativity into your life any longer.

Making the law of attraction work well for you means application of the above techniques. When you hold self-value, you will find that you have a more exciting life with even greater possibilities. Self-esteem plays a giant role in attraction; when you find yourself attracted to another person, they, in all probability, have the same self-esteem level. It is up to you to portray attraction to them and make them take notice in you.

How clever are you?

There is a very very tall coconut tree,there are 4 animals: king kong, ape, orang utan and monkey pass by. They have a competition to see who is the fastest to get the banana. Who do you guess will win? To see your personality:..sroll down

if you chose :
orang utan = stupid
ape = foolish
monkey = idiot
king kong = silly
coconut tree where got banana......... ... obviously you're tortured by yr work......

Good One

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.

"I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there."

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes."

Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.

Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakingly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man." "I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."

The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the Macaroni and chesse with broccoli." Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner things the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves.

He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back.

As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting. "Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you." The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey! I didn't know that Mary worked here!"

young blonde and her alligator shoes

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

The story of a 45 year old woman

A 45 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"

God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?

(You'll love this!!!)


God replied: "I didn't recognize you."

Daily Insights

One of my very favorites, Jim Rohn, is almost an endless well of wisdom, as witness this passage of his:

"What we ponder and what we think about sets the course of our life". Any day we wish; we can discipline ourselves to change it all. Any day we wish, we can open the book that will open our mind to new knowledge. Any day we wish, we can start a new activity. Any day we wish, we can start the process of life change. We can do it immediately, or next week, or next month, or next year.

"We can also do nothing. We can pretend rather than perform. And if the idea of having to change ourselves makes us uncomfortable, we can remain as we are. We can choose rest over labor, entertainment over education, delusion over truth, and doubt over confidence. The choices are ours to make. But while we curse the effect, we continue to nourish the cause. As Shakespeare uniquely observed, "The fault is not in the stars, but in ourselves." We created our circumstances by our past choices. We have both the ability and the responsibility to make better choices beginning today."

Blog from hp

Helo brothers n sisters,juz try out my new nokia e65 hp.first time blog from hp.hapi mooncake festival to all people throughout the world.as a chelsea fan,mr roman,avram not so special after yesterday n out of curiosity why mr marco van basten was sitting behind u,future manager?coz there was no single dutch player on the pitch.mr shevchenko,u din shine yesterday.i agree with the blue fans at old trafford who chant mourinho name all nite long n a big banner,jose mourinho u simply the best.wish u gd luck chelsea.

Black day for M'sia

Body found in bag is Nurin

http://www.thestar.com.my/

PETALING JAYA: The police have said that DNA tests on the body found stuffed in a sports bag on Monday in Petaling Jaya show that it is that of missing girl Nurin Jazlin Jazimin.

Is Malaysia safe anymore? crime after crime, lazy and tired about it. No wonder tourists prefer our neighbours such as Thailand, Singapore, Bali, and also Vietnam. Don't point finger to anybody or who should responsible on the death's of lovely Nurin.

Raya is coming, and the parents in devastating mood, i can perceive the state of emotion.

Adios Jose, Ola Grant

Chelsea turn to Avram Grant.


Avram Grant is to take over as coach following the shock departure of Jose Mourinho, according to reports. Grant, an Israeli and former coach of his country's national side, was appointed director of football in the close season and had been shadowing Mourinho. Mourinho had opposed his appointment during a long standoff with Abramovich.



Avram Grant was a closed friend with Roman but whether he can bring success to Chelsea remain to be seen. The spirits, winning mentality installed by Jose will hurt at least half of the squad. Jose successes not only on the pitch but also able to put millionaire's ego aside and together work as a team.

When Chelsea work into the pitch since the arrival of Mourinho, they are all about winning, not to stay rock solid in defense and hopes of counter attack. Mr Avram, can he do it? Can he lift up the players spirit after shocked departure of a manager that had so much influence to the club? Wish him the best.

The turning point for Chelsea was last season after having much success for the first 2 seasons since the arrival of the Special One. First, the departure of versatile defender William Gallas to Arsenal, and the arrival of duo, Michael Ballack and Andrivy Shevchenko disrupt the fluency of the game.

Jose, time to look for a new job, his self belief will be success in everywhere he goes. Does he want to stay at England? If yes, the most likely destination in my opinion is not far away, next door, White Hart Lane, Home to Spurs!!! I think he most likely move to Spain or Italy to further in his career OR become Portugese manager as he himself hope he will be one day. The timing could be right as Mr Scolari punched a Serbian player and grabs all the headline on major newspaper and television.

Wish you all the best, you did something that other Chelsea's manager couldn't for the past 50 years, to bring EPL home. 6 trophies in 3 and half years in significant and underline his credibility.



Ramos Jose.

End of Chelsea Dominant?

Mourinho to quit Chelsea?

Jose Mourinho is set to quit as Chelsea manager after his latest bust up with owner Roman Abramovich, according to reports. Abramovich called crisis talks following Tuesday night's disappointing 1-1 draw with Norweigan minnows Rosenborg in the Champions League were the duo had a falling out.

Another bust up with owner Mr Roman could signal the end of self proclaimed "The Special One", well nobody should question him on the success he had with Porto and also Chelsea. He did something that Mr Claudio Ranieri, Juventus FC manager now, could not, which is, bring trophies home to Stamford Bridge. Six trophies in the space of 3 1/2 years.

It could well satisfied to any of the owner of the club BUT might not satisfied demanding Mr Roman Abramovich. He want Champions League football success in which Maurinho failed to do on what he do best at FC Porto. And a poor result against minnows Rosenborg, makes Roman upset. Besides, Shevchenko, one of his "admirers" always on the benched since his arrivals last year had results in several bust up between Roman and Maurinho.

Recently, Ballack was not named for the Champions League group stages, i cannot judged whether it is "injury" or "political". Chelsea seem do more talking outside the football pitch rather than playing "sexy football" as describe by Maurinho.

When you watch Chelsea game on Astro since last year when they surrender their trophy to MU, they are playing dour football, no fluency, defense out of order sometimes, to me too much relying on Didier Drogba and Frank Lampard. Both contributed more than 50 goals last year.

Replacement for Maurinho? Not an easy task, i can assured. Is the new manager as charismatic as Maurinho? Maurinho speaks-his players listen every word of it because they respect. Any suitable candidate, maybe Sevilla's Ramos Juande, currently taking sabbatical leave Marcello Lippi, Barcelona's Frank Rijkaard, maybe Russia Head coach Guus Hiddink, and whoever it is.

One thing for sure, if Maurinho leave, one things for sure to the new manager, NEVER drop Shevchenko simply in the bench, and UCL must be the main priority. Mr Roman might run out of patient as he did at Aston Villa case, walk out, maybe his wealth cut by half juo after the divorce and the new and sexy gf cabut juo...

True Blue fans........A LE!!Maurinho

You Can Be Different and Unstoppable!

What are the odds against you? What kind of labels are you associated with that make you feel different? What is standing in your way of success? Is it your race, your level of education, memories of your childhood, your spouse, your lack of confidence, your disability or your insecurities to name but a few?

Do you know that it is possible for you to be who you are, live in any continent of the world, face major adversities, be physically handicapped and yet be unstoppable in your pursuit for success and achievement?

Regardless of who you are and where you are from, you can rise above the odds that are against you. All you need to have is a different spirit and the perception of a winner and an achiever.

We have heard of amazing rags to riches stories and inspiring accounts of people who have overcome all odds to achieve their goals. These incidents have proven to the world that there is no limit to what we can do except for the limitations we set for ourselves.

Success has nothing to do with luck, race or country of origin. It can be achieved by taking deliberate actions and striving toward your set goal.

Most athletes and music artists will attest to the fact that sheer hard work and determination play a key role in transforming ordinary people lives into huge successes.

In order for you to rise against the odds, you must have:

• A clear vision of what you want to achieve

• Great determination

• An intense desire to succeed

• A capacity for hard work

• Great commitment to your cause

• Resilience

• A willingness and ability to take risks

• A positive attitude

• Self confidence

• No room for self pity

Dare to step out from your perceived circle of limitation and reach out for your dream.

Be different and unstoppable.

Using Stumbling Blocks as Stepping Stones

Everyone makes mistakes and the busier you are, the more mistakes you will make. The only question is "How well and how effectively do you deal with the inevitable ups and downs of life?"

Let the Light Shine In
This is achieved through the simple exercise of self-disclosure. For you to truly understand yourself, or to stop being troubled by things that may have happened in your past, you must be able to disclose yourself to at least one person. You have to be able to get those things off your chest. You must rid yourself of those thoughts and feelings by revealing them to someone who won't make you feel guilty or ashamed for what has happened.

Using Stumbling Blocks as Stepping Stones
There are two ways to look at the world: the benevolent way or the malevolent way. People with a malevolent or negative worldview take a victim stance, seeing life as a continuous succession of problems and a process of unfairness and oppression. They don't expect a lot and they don't get much. When things go wrong, they shrug their shoulders and passively accept that this is the way life is and there isn't anything they can do to make it better.

Flex Your Mental Muscles
When you develop the skill of learning from your mistakes, you become the kind of person who welcomes obstacles and setbacks as opportunities to flex your mental muscles and move ahead. You look at problems as rungs on the ladder of success that you grab onto as you pull your way higher.

Cut Your Losses
The fact is that our society, our families, our companies, and our relationships continue to survive and thrive because intelligent people tend to cut their losses and minimize their mistakes. It is only when people refuse to accept that they have made a bad choice or decision-and prolong the consequences by sticking to that bad choice or decision-that mistakes become extremely expensive and hurtful.

Learn From Your Mistake
Learning from your mistakes is an essential skill that enables you to develop the resilience to be a master of change rather than a victim of change. The person who recognizes that he has made a mistake and changes direction the fastest is the one who will win in an age of increasing information, technology and competition.

Morning Saturday

good morning everybody, this morning i wake up as usual about 6am. Then get myself bathed and have one "char siew pau" before come to office. Nobody is around as the meeting only starts at 10am. So time to update my blog and read my dad's blog and my brother's blog.

I seldom comment on my dad's blog coz i seem lack knowledge on political issues, hehehe. Then,

I read my brother's blog express his feeling and his new working life. Old timers always said "its hard to pull ur head up in the beginning", i guess most of us will experience personally the meaning of the "phrase". It is also time to learn more and probably not earn earn so much, priority for him is to learn as much as he can, as for time being, he don't have to worry bout take care of family financially since myself and my dad will took care of it.

I still very hopeful as i comment on my brother's blog that come back often to visit not me but mother who alone most of the time at home. Although me and my sis stay at home, she still hopeful that henry is coming back athough she always not encourage him to come back verbally citing tiredness and safety on the road, but i know deep inside she loves to spend time with him and mom birthday is around the corner.

Ok, enough bout family matters, today's will be my second, i called it "high performance training" with few selected colleagues with the objectives to meet MDRT by end of the year. i promise my dad that i achieved it last year but i did not, then settle for Top 10 placing for Agent's category in Manulife Malaysia. This year, again i promise my dad, i will be MDRT member and i'm not gonna let him down again. Pauline, my girlfriend, supported me truly and believe in me that i will achieve my MDRT goal, been with me for 8 years, don't want other people criticize her married a typical insurance man, earn peanuts. Although most of her colleagues and friends change the view of me as my "fatty" face published on local newspapers for past 2 years change the situation, but still not enough for me, as i always mentioned, Always Raise Your Standards, MDRT is something i will not miss this year, going to Toronto, Canada is not major factor but NOT to let my family members down again and again is my inner drive and motivation to achieve it. Although i might not able to bring Pauline or mother to Canada if i achieved MDRT, i know deep inside they will satisfied with my performance. The reason is because of not bringing them is because the airlines, accomodation is not cheap and don't want spend that kind of money.

God Bless and enjoy your weekends!!!

Lesson from little Doggy

I am convince that the way people treat us is a reflection of how we treat them. If we are sunken and frowning, we will see among our friends to be sunken and frowning. We are smiling from ear to ear; we will see most of our friends smiling from ear to ear.

I believe its not difficult to chose how we want others to treat us. What is difficult is to fully understand that it starts from us.

Long ago in a small, far away village, there was place known as the House of 1000 Mirrors. A small, happy little dog learned of this place and decided to visit. When he arrived, he bounced happily up the stairs to the doorway of the house. He looked through the doorway with his ears lifted high and his tail wagging as fast as it could. To his great surprise, he found himself staring at 1000 other happy little dogs with their tails wagging just as fast as his. He smiled a great smile, and was answered with 1000 great smiles just as warm and friendly. As he left the House, he thought to himself, "This is a wonderful place. I will come back and visit it often."

In this same village, another little dog, who was not quite as happy as the first one, decided to visit the house. He slowly climbed the stairs and hung his head low as he looked into the door. When he saw the 1000 unfriendly looking dogs staring back at him, he growled at them and was horrified to see 1000 little dogs growling back at him. As he left, he thought to himself, "That is a horrible place, and I will never go back there again."

All the faces in the world are mirrors. What kind of reflections do you see in the faces of the people you meet?

work to earn a living

good morning, just couldn't slept well just like every night, my mind are working 24 hours actively with still many unfilfill goals as finishing line draw nearer and nearer. The amount of pressure is high and i still able to cope with it after attending seminars in the past on "ways to cope stress" and also lot of book that i bought at the bookstore.

yesterday night, i work until 11.30pm to close a case with my existing customers, the sales presentaion only tooks mere ten minutes and he signed up every piece of application forms, then we have conversation on almost everything for about one and a half hours. So, he managed to ask me why i still not married despite dating for 8 years, i said i was young but he replied, "don't think so you are young, from your face i guess you are about 30 years old", so i smile as always and told him, i only 25 years old, he shocked and ohhhh, no wonder you always said you are young and don't want to marry yet.

gosh, i admit i look little old compare to other youngsters, my hair are falling out, Not easy don't you to earn a living, anyhow life is tough-money don't drop from the sky. My boss gone crazy this few weeks as he know year end is knocking his door and most of his set goals during early of the year is yet to be achieved.

Gotta work hard this few months before going for holidays at the early of next year. I'm happy my mom told me yesterday that my dad asked me to arrange a nite stay at Genting during the Christmas period, once in a year family gathering. Hopefully, whatever things that need to be accomplished and be accomplished by then and go for a deserve holiday.

take care...never give up your goals even still a long way to go, gotta believe ourselves strongly even nobody out there believe us.

Remarkable Effort

Girl, eight, swims 17km across Penang channel

PENANG: The strong sea currents failed to deter her but the jellyfish nearly did.
Still, eight-year-old Mardiana Abdul Rahim managed to overcome her fear of the stinging creatures to become the youngest person to swim from Seberang Prai to Penang island.

With her brother Muhammad Riyadh, 14, and sister Maisarah, 13, the siblings from Malacca completed their swim within five to seven hours.

Muhamad Riyadh also made it into the Malaysia Book of Records as the youngest male swimmer to swim long distance in the country.

After a light breakfast, the siblings started their swim at Kuala Muda near Kepala Batas at 8.15am.
Muhammad Riyadh covered 13.1km in five hours 25 minutes to arrive at Tanjong Tokong at 1.51pm while Maisarah took six hours and 31 minutes over the distance.
Mardiana took seven hours and 31minutes as she had to detour due to strong currents and covered 17.1km.
Asked if she would swim across the channel again, Mardiana replied: “Only if there is no jellyfish.”

Take my bow, Riyadh, Mardiana, and Masairah..Malaysia Boleh!!!

Convocation

last week i was in sintok, kedah with my family to attend my convocation. It was one happy day in my life, GOD who could believe a son who failed totally in my SPM examination, now receive my Master of Business Administration at University Utara Malaysia. Most of my secondary school mates seem do not believes at all. Anyway, doesn't matter to me, what matter most, i able to accomplished my mission of not letting my parents down especially my dad who are very educated and his academic excellence.

Thanks to my dad who makes all this possible, without his morale and most importantly financial support i wouldn't be in this convocation today. Thanks so much dad, Since my first day in college to pursue my degree studies, i had make a goal in my heart that is not failed myself again for the second time after the horrific SPM. Before that, i did preety good in my UPSR and a Straight A's student in PMR examination. That goals was partly accomplished.

Mom was excited after all, 2 weeks in a row, first i drive my mom to KL to witness my brother convo and than drive her to my convo. She was always alone at home most of the time as my sis went tuition most of the time and i only back home at night.

For dad, he is a busy man, i understand his situation and committed to his job, when i completed my DBA studies in 3 years time, i will personally invite him, that is my goals. Always expect more from ourself, never settle down or never say enough if we want to progress in our lives, before graduation,i expect to stop my studies as i tought i was well enough but when i was at UUM, i realize that I'm just a "fly" where MBA was nothing, there was hundreds of PhD and DBA students, GOD, the world keep on changing and expect more competent from each of us. Below are few photos i managed to snap at my convo:

with david and e-lin(my gf's brother and wife)

with my loves one

thats me

me and mama

GOD Bless, have a nice day

sucess personal growth

We all want to be successful and enjoy our lives, but not everyone in life is successful. Most people want to be winners, but unfortunately many remain where they stand. A lot of people ask what the secret to success and personal growth is. Is there any formula for success in life? What is the key to success and personal growth?

The magic formula for success does not exist. Success and personal growth are a sum of goals and strategic actions to achieve these goals. Success is not a chance, but a choice.

In order for us to succeed in life, we need to know right steps that need to be taken for success and personal growth; we need to develop strong self-management skills.

Here are some practical tips for success and personal growth:

1. Set your goal, know exactly what you want. Some people set goals that are too general. Be as specific as possible about what your desired result is. The clearer goal is, the shorter the path to success. It's like keywords that you type in to a search engine to find something. If you try searching for 'web site' in Google, there are millions of results. To make your search more effective, you have to be more specific. The same applies to your goals.

2. Positive mental attitude. Catch and eliminate negative thoughts, feelings and emotions. Things we do not like, things we do not want cause negative thoughts, feelings and emotions. Negative thoughts prevent you from achieving success, happiness and your goals. If you have thoughts about what you do not want each day, there are chances that it will happen to you. You need to align your thoughts with your goals.

3. Focus on your goal every day. Think of your goals, think of desired end result and visualize your desired end result in vivid details. It is important to have positive thoughts, feelings and emotions when you think of your goal. It's the Universal law that what we concentrate on becomes real. Focus on achievement, success, energy, confidence and joy.

4. Confidence. When you are confident, you become a magnet to success. Self-confidence is the key to success in all areas of life.

5. Take actions. This is essential step for success. Think of all the things you must do to achieve your goal. Just start doing them no matter how big or small they might be. Every inch you move forward gets you closer to your goal.

Not being successful is simple. Success and personal growth require hard work on yourself.
Some people want to achieve financial success and others may want to find a real love or improve existing relationship.

My best wishes for your success and personal growth,

A Little German Town Name

hey guys, i came across this article, very funny, a small little town in Germany will be name as: #ucking Town, no joke or fluke, take a look, it was also reported in one of the Britain newspapers, in this new millenium, everything is possible:

Now, have a deep tought out of curiosity, i don't mean to say bad or vulgar words as im not that kind if someone knows me before:

Are the residents called #uckers?

What are the mothers called?

What would you be learning at the #ucking High School ?

Does the #ucking Hospital help you with anything else?

If your friend came from another town, he wouldn't be your #ucking friend

Together we learn and share....adios

Belletti for Blues

LONDON, Aug 23 (Reuters) - Chelsea on Thursday agreed to sign Brazilian right-back Juliano Belletti from Barcelona.
The English club confirmed the deal in a brief statement on their website. It said terms were agreed between the clubs and the transfer would be completed when Belletti, 31, accepted personal terms and passed a medical examination.

The fee is believed to be around 5.5 million euros.

Belletti joined Barcelona from Villarreal in 2004 and helped them to win league titles in 2005 and 2006. He scored the decisive goal in Barcelona's 2-1 victory over Arsenal in the 2006 European Cup final in Paris, his only goal for the Catalans.

Belletti's move to Stamford Bridge may signal the end of Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho's pursuit of Sevilla's Brazilian full-back Dani Alves, 24. Sevilla have rejected several offers from Chelsea.

Belletti lost his place in the Barcelona team last season following the arrival of Italian World Cup winner Gianluca Zambrotta. He made only 13 league appearances.

Go!Go! Chelsea....

energy and passion

"The most essential factor is persistence - the determination never to allow your energy or enthusiasm (Passion) to be dampened by the discouragement that must inevitably come."

When you have the energy to fuel your passion, success is sure to follow close behind. The 1-2 punch of energy and passion is the key to success in life. In order to be successful in any endeavor you will need to overcome much discouragement, frustration and failure and the key to rising above these things is energy and passion. That is why I always say that "energy is the fuel to ignite passion and passion is the engine of success!"

In the movie Cinderella Man, Russell Crowe plays a down and out boxer that makes a dramatic come back. The back drop to this movie is the great depression and previous to the great depression Crowe's character, Jimmy Braddock was a champion boxer that lost his way. After his come back a reporter asks him, "You have lost before, what's the difference this time?" Jimmy Braddock then answers "I know what I'm fighting for" The reporter follows up with "And what's that?" and Jimmy comes back with what I feel is the most memorable and inspiring line in the whole movie, he simply says, "Milk". That says it all; now knew why he was fighting. He was fighting to feed his kids. He was able to look defeat straight in the face and say "okay, one more round." He was able to overcome failure because he had the energy and passion to achieve his goal of putting milk on the table. I feel this is the story of America. A spirited passion for a worthy goal that will let nothing stand in her way. "Okay let's go one more round" was the unspoken mantra for generations of Americans and what has made America the greatest country in the world.

Many years ago when I got started in sales, I didn't know how to sell but I was passionate and energetic. One of my first clients told me that as my skill increases it is natural for my passion to wane. He told me the key to my success will lie in my passion and if I can combine an infectious passion with proven sales skills

New Definition on HR

Now this is what I call HR

Please see below our new office code of conduct:

Dress Code

1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.

2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.

3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay raise.

Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Holiday Days

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

Toilet Use

1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.
2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.
3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

Lunch Break

1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.

2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.